Friday, October 30, 2009

Perfect.

I've been toying around with this post for quite some time now. I have held off because it shows a side of me I'm not so proud of. I decided to write it today because especially lately, more than usual, I've seen comments and posts here and there from bloggers about their home not measuring up...not being as beautiful as the next...not as perfect.

This big bloggy world is one that has brought much joy to my life. Much creativity. I have loved "meeting" all of you because of blogging.

But there are times when I click through some blogs and am not proud of my reaction. First, it's awe and glee from a great reveal or project.

Then, maybe a bit of wishing.

Then, do I dare say it...

Resentment? Jealousy?

I'm not proud of that. Not one bit, but it's the truth.

Let me be clear here -- I big fat LOVE our home. I would not trade it for any other. Because it is truly where our heart is. I have put my blood, sweat and tears into this house. We have raised out kids here and have created so many wonderful traditions and memories.

I cannot stress enough how much I adore it.

So maybe it's not the homes I see that give me the tinges of jealousy. Maybe it's the time some have to dedicate to their homes. Maybe it's the money some can spend on their homes. Maybe it's the way they describe their lives that seem so...perfect?

Maybe you have felt that way about this blog at times? I know it's possible and probably true, but I hope it's a fleeting feeling.

Our home is not perfect. Our life is not perfect. And a couple weeks ago, I got a big (soft) slap upside the head from God when I found out something about a blogger I visit every so often. It's a little known fact about this person, and let's just say I felt like a big fat ARSE after finding out the information. ;)

It was a message in flashing red lights that no one's life is "perfect." It may appear to be, but it never is.

And really, who wants perfect? Seriously, perfect is BOR-RING. Just like a house, it's so much more interesting with imperfections...the squeak on the floor that drives you crazy every time you step on that spot. The crack in the wall no one sees but you (but it still drives you mad). The dings in the drywall and baseboards from kids living in a home. All of us have squeaks and cracks and dings in our lives that make them not perfect.

I will spare you the details of my life, but because of my experiences, HOME means so much more to me than a building or a place for stuff. Most of my childhood was filled with wonderful memories and traditions. I never noticed the dings in the drywall, the creaks in the floors. (And your kids won't either.)

Then in high school, a series of events occurred that changed my outlook on life. I didn't have a home for quite some time. I lived with my best friend and her family for a summer. When it was time to go back to college, my dorm room was my only home. And that Thanksgiving was spent in an old, gross motel room, just my Mom and me.

It was one of the lowest days of my life.

At that time, Sarah McLachlan's song "Elsewhere" brought me comfort. I listened to it constantly. Part of the chorus from that song that still sticks with me:

I believe this is heaven to no one else but me.
And I'll defend it as long as I can be...

That song still makes me cry. ;) I am thankful for every moment of my life, because it's brought me where I am today.

It's not about the stuff or the house being perfect. It's about it being a home, in the emotional sense. Because of my past, a place to put down roots and to create memories for our kids means so much to me. So if you ever take anything away from this blog, it's that your home should be YOUR haven. I don't care what it looks like. I don't care if it's your dream home. Make it your dream home with what you have.

Even if that is just baking cookies, carving a pumpkin and playing with your kids on this Halloween weekend. Remember even those that feel they have very little are envied by someone. Be proud and love what you have and make it what you love and are proud of, in whatever way you can.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend with your family. Thanks for listening to my deep thoughts today. :)

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